The difference between Acid in your 20s to Acid in your late 30s.
A true story by Marilyn Tuna
As any busy woman would know, committing to a house party in your late 30s is a risky and ballsy decision but due to the fact me and my partner had become engaged and the easter bunny was due that next week I thought to myself .. Fk it lets come out of our blissful state of self-induced introverted heaven to be social for once.
As always shit loads of pre-party stress trying to make sure I have all my “ bunnies in a row “ leaves me at times regretting my decision but finally the party begins so I can get pissed , talk shit and allow the house to be torn apart by small children wielding plastic guns dispersing projectile silly string (A very regretful purchase) coupled with heavily elevated blood glucose levels leading them all into an amphetamine like rage ,pity the same effect of the Mear $5 chocolate shaped bunny couldn’t afford me the same adrenaline hit.
Like all self-respecting people on the wrong side of 35 who have partaken in far to my alcohol consumption we all somehow manage to make it to 7 pm, a small miracle in itself. Falling into bed with my partner we fail miserably at consummating the engagement party between us. We are about as useful as a half inflated blow up doll and a broken vibrator, we come to a decision that we try again tomorrow blissfully fall to sleep.
As I awake staring at the ceiling wondering how the kids managed to get silly string on my ceiling light, I begin the adaptive process to gaslighting myself into what would call a mid-range hangover get up assess the true extent caused by the masses.
Carefully navigating my house like one might walk in a field of landmines bound by an incomprehensible amount of silly string , various colors stains on the walls and carpet , to hesitantly reach the back yard where much of the acute damage had occurred , not to be culturally or historically offensive but the only way to describe the yard would be a small atomic bomb had been let off , with a range of empty cans , bottles and plastic cups half filled with colorful mixed sins , and cigi butts … There I am in all my midlife glory, wearing my very best high-rise undies, a hoodie and a desperate need for a pair of sunnies and a Panadol.
I think to myself, bugger it , I will have a shower first, deal with it all later, so peel my abnormally large unforgiving undies off and hop in the shower blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.
Strangely my left side of my chest starts pumping , I’m dizzy seeing stars , I’m finding it very hard to breathe .. intuitively i think it’s a booze fueled anxiety attack , but its not easing up and im really struggling to breath , and the pain in my chest is not like anything i have experienced before, just the idea that of me being found dead in a messy house gave me enough power to get out of the shower and drag myself back to bed dress myself in appropriate clothing and die in peace.
Thankfully I didn’t die, but the torment of the terrible internal embarrassment and self-judgment was in full swing, i felt silly and somehow ashamed about what had just happened , it was like a near death experience one that i decided to keep to myself simply telling my partner and daughter i was just suffering a bad hangover , but i knew it was more far more … as the day progressed and i managed to find some scene of ease this experience lingered at the back of my mind all day .. What the hell was that ?
The tightness in my chest ? do i have a heart condition ? a lung issue ? my appetite was very low , i found it hard to swallow without fear , my chest burning .. Finally, after a long day, I found myself back in bed ready to sleep on this day of internal dread , withholding health anxiety as a woman and mother seems to be a coping mechanism to survive. I still ponder this strange decision I seem to make over and over , to suffer in silence .. I will explore this a little later.
I woke to the monday feeling marginally better , zombie my way through getting my daughter to school and begrudgingly get myself to the gym , as i walk in the door it happens again .. all the symptoms of the shower hit me like a “ ton of bricks “ the fear i felt was earth shattering and was not something i could continue to hide , i called off all my meetings and sessions to quite literally run into urgent care thinking my heart was about to stop working ..
Finally the doctor invited me in I take seat to hold back tears , explaining what had taken place over the last 24 hours , he seemed un phased but not lacking compassion , after a physical exam resulting in “ noting remarkable “ he asks me to have a chest xray and do urgent bloods .. again showing nothing but slightly elevated cholesterol , we take seat for his to suggest i have experienced my first acid reflux attack ..
He thought due to the fact i had slightly elevated cholesterol due to the fact i had been exhibiting my hedonistic traits in the form of GLUTTONY my body had found this most insulting and retaliated via reflux .. I was absolutely floored that this could have caused me such distress, pain and fear .. all of a sudden my world had changed , I was middle fucken aged and the remedy was a simple need for an antacid .. SIGH
I looked at the doctor with heavy confusion and said “ why don’t they warn us about this ?” I thought I was dying .. he looked at me and laughed “ welcome to getting older “ he kindly but said .. I stood up and walked out with my tail between my legs ,right into the chemist walking down the next new aisle leading you to gastrointestinal products right next to the denture cleaning products and walking aids . ( little did I know I would need a walking aid not so soon after that )
For weeks I ate in fear , refused to drink and to be honest still can’t look at an easter egg without a deeply ingrained gastrointestinal fear .. the experience was absolutely terrifying much like the first time I took acid when i was 20 years old at a rave , i can tell you with great conviction that both of my Acid experiences led me to the belief that it’s NOT A GOOD TIME !
Fast forward 2 and a bit years as I sit here today , coupled with hours upon hours of research on why we suddenly have acid reflux , I can’t and won’t speak for everyone personally nor am I a medical professional so all I have is lived experience and what I have found to be true. And what it has come down to is as a woman with only one ovary in the depths of perimenopause and id say years of drug therapies for edo have taken its toll on my gastro tract, i have been blessed with volatile sex hormone profiles that change at the drop of a hat , estrogen seems to have hit the deck causing all sorts of bodily havoc such as reflux ..
Women in the transition phase of perimenopause are 3 times more likely to suffer with acid reflux due to the decline in estrogen and progesterone , these hormones regulate muscle function in short making it easy for the necessary gastric acid to come up and burn the shit out of your upper insides .. causing chest pain , shortness of breath , difficulty swallowing , difficulty sleeping and many more very annoying symptoms . While there are nutritional protocols that can help , some over-the- counter medications and prescriptions all have their downsides.
It’s important to know that much of the time this is not your fault simply a by product of shifting hormone profiles , its also unfortunate that many health care professionals do not connect the dots leaving many women in the dark about why this has suddenly kicker her ass .. leading to a very lonely place of yet more and more health anxiety as if we don’t have enough to worry about.
From personal experience and not a prescriptive point of view , what has worked for me so far has been if need be a over the counter antacid , making sure i follow a relatively clean diet of whole foods and low booze intake , if i have a flare reverting back to a LOW FODMAP protocol can be great short term and always ,making time for self care rising cortisol levels due to dropping estrogen can be a catalyst for gastrointestinal disturbance …
To summarize, it’s important to continually advocate for relevant and effective care if you’re suffering with reflux, while also making time to self-educate about all the treatments that are available because in reverse what goes down can and will come back up.
marilyntuna.art 