By Marilyn Tuna
As I woke from my hysterectomy and a loss of some of my internal canal length due to endo eating away at it, they had to shorten and create a new vaginal cuff .. I tell you I could fkn feel it laying very very still in my hospital room paying to the vagina gods nothing came “ undone “ the surgeon walked in to warn me of my very fears that would turn into intrusive thoughts ..“ if you DON’T follow the post op recovery advice your vagina can literally falls out of your body “ The surgeon was not kidding and I was not laughing ..
The first test was the first wee and poo in the hospital. Any woman who has experienced such a traumatic event deserves a gold medal. Personally, I feel this should replace breakdancing in the Olympics My libido has always been fairly healthy but as a serial monogamist my experience limited in sexual knowledge, begrudgingly I was called vanilla once. years of pelvic pain, ongoing surgeries and gaslighting it’s a miracle I’m not a fucken Nunn.
But after one has one’s, vagina reconstructed, I had no idea my trip to the pelvic physio would be so acutely invasive, hysterical and extremely informative. Terrified at the 6 week mark I walk in and sit on the hospital bed to speak with a very kind lady who talked me through the “ let’s lift the hood and make sure she’s working procedure “ as we move through the pelvic floor activations that seem standard the pulls out the rubber gloves and intuitively I know my Miss Vanilla facial expressions begin to show , after the “ engine check “ i was pleased to know all is in working order and very pleased at how ok it all was .. I was pleasantly surprised how confirming it was to know a extremely experienced woman could reassure me that I was safe to move forward in my recovery. The engine inspection is done now we need to discuss vaginal maintenance, she leans down to a drawer under her desk to pull out a very large box and holds it up. My eyes widen and I can’t help but loose it is laughing and say, “HOLY FUCK what’s with the box of weird looking dildoes ??” she interrupts me quickly to tell me they are dilators …. Basically, this tool is used to make sure the new internal fit out stays where it is meant to, and what I would also politely call a training wheels, I was VERY shocked at some of the sizes available ….. Also great for internal muscle release, you can induce orgasm, but this is not its intended purpose.
She also told me a standard vibrator would be a good idea and the vibrations would be helpful for interior healing and confidence. I was a single mum at the time so dropping in to club XXX after IGA for school snacks was not standard practice for me, this is when i had a GREAT appreciation for online shopping and shiraz, on a Saturday night i got the young one to sleep and poured myself a decent size glass of wine to begin my hunt for the tools I would require .. and good lord was I in for a shock, after a 2-hour deep dive into the world of sex toys and an accidental visit to Porn Hub I came to the conclusion that best start small and get the entry level beginner set, 2 weeks praying my daughter didn’t check the post it arrived and I wussed out and hid it for a month.
Eventually I took my big girl pants off and took my entry level vibrator for a test drive, suffice to say it was an extremely short drive with an interesting and elating ending. After all that procrastination and fear I’m happy to say my vagina did not fall out and it didn’t hurt .. After such an intense rush of intenseness, Flush skin, high heart rate and feelings of great creative happiness for days might I add, coupled with deep beautiful sleep, shining skin, inner joy … I began to think we need orgasm as women not just for momentary feeling but for us as a whole being.
The Vanilla nerd I am, I decided to research the science and meaning behind this incredible post come feeling and its much much more than what we might think. “For women, sexual response involves entering an altered state of consciousness “Quote from Vagina – By Niomi Wolf. This is due to the ANS and SNS , the autonomic nervous system and sympathetic nervous system that can initiate muscle contraction, in layman’s terms it’s the “ON BUTTON “and reaching climax without these 2 control stations is virtually impossible.
So, what do we need …We need time, respiration, elevated heart rate getting the blood to relevant locations and lubrication … just like any beautiful complex machine 😉 but the ANS needs feedback from the brain that the body is safe otherwise the to control stations will not work cohesively. When all systems are working in line with each other and we reach climax, what we have is huge levels of oxytocin and naturally occurring opioids = pure bliss .But none of this can happen if we are stressed, feel unsafe or unconnected, we must understand that our orgasm health is not a given and it’s something we need to invest time and effort into via multiple avenues.
1 – Take care of yourself, make rest and relaxation a priority, nurture yourself and make yourself feel safe, secure and loved. We cannot look for external love hoping to cure ourselves of self-hatred, no other human, sex toy or accidental porn hub visit will induce self-love.
2. Take time to explore your own body, even if it feels random and silly, it’s YOURS you own it have a look around.
3. Movement and nutrition that nourishes your body , gentle restorative movement can be incredibly arousing along with a dense whole diet. Eat and cook like you’re making love to yourself because that’s essentially what you’re doing when you nourish yourself ..
4. Environment and Vibe .. Now let’s be honest NOOOO one wants high beam lights on when you’re trying to get all systems switched on, too much light is incredibly unforgiving, and a missive buzz kill .. Low light, chill vibes. And be warned what goes on the body must also come off .. I myself have experienced a problematic and incredibly unfortunate honey Birdette bodysuit and suspenders malfunction quickly leading to a small ankle injury…. VIBE GONE . Keep it simple and accessible
Lastly its ok not to want to engage in sexual behavior, times in our lives as women will switch those stations off for good reason listen to your bodies intuitive cues low libido is a protective symptom for many reasons structural changes, social and economic shifts, times of heightened stress, pregnancy, childbirth, motherhood .. dealing with dickheads.
The list is endless.
And a quote from a very wise man Dr Karl from JJJ Radio ” try not to sleep with people that have more problems than you” Bro has a point worth taking note off.
We may not want to engage in the act of sex, climax or self-pleasure all the time, but we can always make time for self-love, self-respect and solid boundaries.
Making love to yourself can be done in many ways.
Much love from me to you xxxx
By Marilyn Tuna
Photo Credits –
846-05648207
© ClassicStock / Masterfile
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1950s – 1960s TWO ELDERLY WOMEN CHARACTERS GOSSIPING ONE WOMAN WITH HAIR CURLERS OTHER WITH HAT
marilyntuna.art 
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